The untold story

7th July 2009
I realize being true to one's heart and wishes, and expressing that the universe puts or shows signs in the same direction somehow. This is strongly being felt in Europe. I am sure it is the same for everybody whether one realizes it or not. I feel it in a stronger way while here in Europe.

Doing things the way I enjoy the most, participating in a real open and happy way, without having the feeling of slightest remorse about that action - really makes a beautiful creation shining in full glory. This has a magical charm of pulling passersby, more so those whom one is connected to, in a way they only would appreciate.

And if this act of creation were stemming from truest of heart, one is able to find ways to grow in this and make this creation even more amazing and meaningful. I have come to see this beautiful mystery happen under the bright sun and moon, and really here in this life I am celebrating.


9th July 2009
A relatively quiet morning here in Stölln, home of Otto Lilienthal - a German pioneer of human aviation. I find three of us (Anki, my sister Sweta and myself) in an open grass-field next to the village airport. It has been quite windy since last afternoon when we arrived here to pitch our tent for the best possible spot in the flea-market area in the Antaris Project. We are here for about 7 days in one of the first trance festivals that started here in Germany. It is special because of the 15th anniversary of this festival.

It is amazing feeling to be trucking with Anki. This feels somewhat like that of being a gypsy. I do admit the convenience and accessibility to food, water, tent, sleeping bag, toilet, may be bathroom and this access to pen and paper. I appreciate and am amazed at the same time by those who truck - they literally are gypsies in a sense who live in their trucks and travel from one place to another. Whether it is by choice or choices for economic reasons this is for sure not an easy one. However, at the end of the day it is the satisfaction from this way of life to a regular one that matters. In this gypsy's life, one is on one's own, doing things one likes, experiencing various different festivals and events, and doing all this amongst the people who live to share life celebration.

The two festivals I am here for, Fusion and The Antaris Project, are examples of possibilities of the free spirited beings have created to celebrate life in ways unique and never felt before. The one strong connection to bring us all here is love and passion for what we do, through different artistic expressions of music, theater, fashion, decoration and so much more and the feeling of sharing.

To be here at Antaris, with birds chirping, greetings from fellow beings in this open grass field with golden wheat field and a forest of pine on lowly hills is simply being in nature. This moment so much reflects me of moments in my own country when we have trekked to remote places and felt this same feeling of tranquility and serenity - life and nature in its essential form.

The scene here is going to change so much by today evening, and in next four days will be constant music, dance and smile. I feel so very privileged to be here and experiencing this!


11th July 2009
A very interesting and lovely encounter with a spirit here at the Antaris Project. Her name is Doreen, and we happened to bump into each other while I was on my own behind the shop next to my tent. She came to wash her hands while I was watching the wheat field across the fence and the far away pine jungle. She first asked if I was alright. I was, and I told I wanted to be away from people for a while and enjoy the beautiful sight of nature. She was polite, asked if I'd rather be left alone. To me the approach was already so lovely, I asked her to join in. It was such a nice moment talking to her, it felt really good. She said she had been to Nepal in 1999, and talked about her travel.

This was a nice connection with somebody while I was seeking it somehow. I desired a humane connection full of love and purity, and it actually did happen. The excitement of meeting somebody total stranger in such a context is a bliss indeed. She later invited me to her place, and asked if I wanted to join in for breakfast next morning.

This is really so very special to be here at this moment. I can feel an extra sensitivity though I am still on a little hangover from last night cocktail.

The golden wheat, the soft chill music reverberating from the alternative stage, the innocent laugh of Katzi, sun shining bright on beautiful faces, soft murmurs of talk, the apparent craziness and the underlying happiness, the wind, the smiles, love and this beautiful moment!


12 July 2009
I feel complete - Doreen gives me a very nice energy. I felt absolute good in my heart - a feeling of completeness after I saw her this morning

I had been looking couple of times for her last evening. Event sent wishes in the air to find her, walked in the direction of her camping area hoping to find her. Meeting her for the first time yesterday afternoon was healing and blissful, and later I realized how special her coming proved to me. In fact, and this is bizarre, her name means 'gift from God', and finding her at the moment proved like magical medicine. I was missing this pure love and connection, which she poured into me with full richness. I found myself so very happy and complete by being in her company.

Naturally, I was looking for her in last evening. I didn't find her, and I was missing her presence. This morning, after I woke up, I brushed and went looking for her. I was walking around the main stage, and she came right onto me. I just couldn’t believe that. Hugged her and was absolutely happy. She was there looking for her friend and was about to leave. I asked if I could join in, and later I was walking with her towards her camping.

After spending some time she wanted to go find her friend again, and we walked towards the main stage. After she spotted her friend we parted. I asked her to visit me as I would be busy at the shop. The, I parted from her with a hug and a kiss.

Later in the day, she was there at the shop, and that was a nice surprise.


13 July 2009
Feels like I am tripping - so many things running in my mind. I seem to have this trip from the music on the main stage.

The trip is kind of meditative. I can hear my mind loud, and trying to go crazy. Thank goodness, I am sensible enough to watch the mind play. And, above all, I don't even want to judge my own mind - it is my mind after all. I just love it because it is innocent after all. If I have this innate ability to sense the push and pull of mind, I am sure of my sanity and not go crazy. Wooow!

I feel all this that I am going through will only make me saner and wiser. I feel extremely blessed and lucky to be able to have this kind of access to my happening at this moment. Oh Universe, bless me and guide me!

Visited Doreen this morning, and it is always such a positive energy. When I return to my camping I am happy and glad. After I have met her it so much helps me in connecting with others.

The chirping of the birds here affirms no judgment. Their presence is so much like acceptance. I presumed they would fly away because of the loud music, but they didn't. They are around and living their moment.

The wheat field has been cleared, the villagers from nearby village came with big tractor and machine. They were doing their work in the field since yesterday. And for me it was interesting to see this diverse life going on in full swing when us on this side of the fence were partying at Antaris.