Wednesday — 9:10 pm, 16 April 2003
It is strong wind outside, and I wait in anticipation if this brings something worse with the blow. There is lightning and a huge thunderbolt, as if it would crumble the walls I am within.
I don’t know why it did rain, and the wind grow fierce. Sometimes it is so difficult to feel the wholeness of the events and situations. I want to see them closer and feel them in their essential form. Or, maybe some are just to feel as they come and not meant to be taken that seriously.
I was on my way downtown to get some prints. I got in a public vehicle, and as I entered there was a big rucksack and a huge suitcase in the narrow way in that ten-seater three-wheeler. A lady helped. The luggage belonged to her, and she tried to make it a bit easier for the inconvenience it caused in the way inside the small vehicle. She was observant, and she saw to it that one could get in despite the discomfort her bags were causing.
As it drove down the Baneshwor height, she asked which place it was. “Maitidevi” I replied. I got a feeling she was new to this place and probably the city. I asked if she was new to this place. She was. And she was trying to get to Thamel. I told her the two routes. I had to get down at Putalisadak where from it would be nearest to Thamel as well.
After we got down I asked if I could help her somehow. She asked me to be with her for a while. I helped her locate a telephone booth, and helped carry her suitcase. Then we got in a cab. I figured the place she had to reach in Thamel. She got her money exchanged. I said I would accompany her to the bus-park.
She was really new to this place. I could feel the strangeness of being in a foreign land where not everyone is gracious as to give stranger a trustworthy secure feeling — a humane feeling.
She kept mentioning she had found an angel, and would apologise for the trouble. I was happy that I was unconditionally helping a complete stranger.
She said she was from Kalimpong, West Bengal in India. I have been to Gangtok, Sikkim, India. It is a four hours drive or so to Kalimpong. She came to Kathmandu to study Tibetan scripture, language and music. She was leaving after three weeks of search for a guru. She did find one but he was incredibly expensive. The only sad thing was she had come with a dream of studying here in Kathmandu, and was returning empty hands.
We exchanged contacts. I told her about my visit to Gangtok and about a project I am involved in there.
She got a ticket, and boarded onto a bus. The very moment of separation had come, after a mere hour or so of being together. It was as though a whole world of things had happened in that short span of time.
I saw her off, and returned. I was back on my way to the print shop.
For past few weeks, I had been having so much of things happening. Time is passing so quickly. It still feels as though I returned from Norway a week back.
Sometimes, I want to hold time, and get to the state of nothingness where I don’t think or feel anything.
I still recall my times in Norway and the wonderful people I met, and the best of life I enjoyed for those few days. They are gone too, and as Kajsa said lately, it was all meaningful because it was a wonderful dream we dreamt and felt together.
So it was today, like a beautiful dream past by. That being with a complete stranger, yet like an age old friend, was for a finite period. Now the reminiscences are all I have of a beautiful dream lived together with Zoram.
A sudden thunder again. This one is much calmer, and there is no more the wind. It has left away with a little pour and a fresh air.
