Showing posts with label Out of The World. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Out of The World. Show all posts

Friday, May 17, 2024

Eternal Reflection

I’m awake. 3 am. 


I try to sleep, meditate with my breathing, put on relaxing music. Yet my mind wanders. The music is calming - taking me in an eternal journey. I traverse immense expanses of the universe within - float about the rhythm of ever expanding music. 


My eyes open - like some mystic revelation. Isn’t this what I wanted to write and share - ‘magic’ through the metaphor of feelings and thoughts from the innermost fount? The quirky feeling of how the universe is self reflecting on itself somehow - like looking into an eternal mirror. I am in awe and humble for being one of the infinite medium. That the whole existence and non-existence is a reflection for the universe. The life and processes, creation and chaos, our experiences and life itself - thoughts and feelings - that us comprising a tiny firmament of the infinite universe - as though a divine opportune to connect with the Universe - find meaning in this bewildering macrocosm and microcosm. The exuberant feeling of being part of this magical being - that I am also part of this acknowledgement - the auspicious looking of the Universe at itself - realising its existence and being.


My inner eyes are wide open - and how excited I am to share this eternal journey that ‘I am’. 


Thank you Universe - that I am ‘You’ and ‘Us’ in entirety. No matter how small, I am a reflection of Thou!


Thank you!

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

#mystical #enlightenment #eternal #journey #space #travel #meditation #selfreflection #magic #universe #oneness #Iam #trippy #alphawaves #432Hz #relaxingmusic #MagicMountains #AmberSea #MMAS




Tuesday, February 06, 2024

Heaven Freezes Over – a journey into the past

6 April, 2008

Walked through this road
Over hundred a times
Leading into the school
Of our childhood times

And today as I walk
Through the same path
I feel surreal
As though a glimpse into the past

Awestruck, I am beheld
Stranded in the ocean of feelings
Enveloping me in high tides
I am in a different kind of world

As we get nearer
And nearer to the pasthood
The crossroads that lead
Are like reflections from a past life

The same gigantic structure
The big house with “AVM 1966”
Inscribed in big bold letters
Reminds us of our days in school

The colour has changed
The premises expanded
The people around have exchanged
Yet, the feeling has not changed

Prying through the gates
The ground so still, the buses parked
All stand still before our eyes
And I ooze over the feeling rides

I gasp and I look
I look and I look
Through the still and non-moving
I am numb and blinded

Sure we were here
Eleven years ago
And yet
Like a distant memory from another life

Holding onto and flying on
We go around
To see the other half
Of the school from backdoor

What a meaning
What a high ride
Something ethereal
And something surreal

On the way back
Leaving behind the school-past
Headed to our realities
We are struck once more

A friend from the past
Right there on the same street
What a coincidence
Two different pasts

Down from the hills of Tansen
Headed to Sister’s Home
I just can’t believe
Sister Shiny upfront

We follow her
A nice surprise
When we meet
After seven years from the past

Heaven freezes over
A journey into the past!

 


 

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Zoram

Wednesday — 9:10 pm, 16 April 2003

It is strong wind outside, and I wait in anticipation if this brings something worse with the blow. There is lightning and a huge thunderbolt, as if it would crumble the walls I am within.

I don’t know why it did rain, and the wind grow fierce. Sometimes it is so difficult to feel the wholeness of the events and situations. I want to see them closer and feel them in their essential form. Or, maybe some are just to feel as they come and not meant to be taken that seriously.

I was on my way downtown to get some prints. I got in a public vehicle, and as I entered there was a big rucksack and a huge suitcase in the narrow way in that ten-seater three-wheeler. A lady helped. The luggage belonged to her, and she tried to make it a bit easier for the inconvenience it caused in the way inside the small vehicle. She was observant, and she saw to it that one could get in despite the discomfort her bags were causing.

As it drove down the Baneshwor height, she asked which place it was. “Maitidevi” I replied. I got a feeling she was new to this place and probably the city. I asked if she was new to this place. She was. And she was trying to get to Thamel. I told her the two routes. I had to get down at Putalisadak where from it would be nearest to Thamel as well.

After we got down I asked if I could help her somehow. She asked me to be with her for a while. I helped her locate a telephone booth, and helped carry her suitcase. Then we got in a cab. I figured the place she had to reach in Thamel. She got her money exchanged. I said I would accompany her to the bus-park.

She was really new to this place. I could feel the strangeness of being in a foreign land where not everyone is gracious as to give stranger a trustworthy secure feeling — a humane feeling.

She kept mentioning she had found an angel, and would apologise for the trouble. I was happy that I was unconditionally helping a complete stranger.

She said she was from Kalimpong, West Bengal in India. I have been to Gangtok, Sikkim, India. It is a four hours drive or so to Kalimpong. She came to Kathmandu to study Tibetan scripture, language and music. She was leaving after three weeks of search for a guru. She did find one but he was incredibly expensive. The only sad thing was she had come with a dream of studying here in Kathmandu, and was returning empty hands.

We exchanged contacts. I told her about my visit to Gangtok and about a project I am involved in there.

She got a ticket, and boarded onto a bus. The very moment of separation had come, after a mere hour or so of being together. It was as though a whole world of things had happened in that short span of time.
I saw her off, and returned. I was back on my way to the print shop.

For past few weeks, I had been having so much of things happening. Time is passing so quickly. It still feels as though I returned from Norway a week back.

Sometimes, I want to hold time, and get to the state of nothingness where I don’t think or feel anything.

I still recall my times in Norway and the wonderful people I met, and the best of life I enjoyed for those few days. They are gone too, and as Kajsa said lately, it was all meaningful because it was a wonderful dream we dreamt and felt together.

So it was today, like a beautiful dream past by. That being with a complete stranger, yet like an age old friend, was for a finite period. Now the reminiscences are all I have of a beautiful dream lived together with Zoram.

A sudden thunder again. This one is much calmer, and there is no more the wind. It has left away with a little pour and a fresh air.

Sunday, January 07, 2024

 My first blog for 2024, wow!

 

Thank you for this pious moment - feel like taking this moment to pour down this abundance oozing from the depth of my heart.

I feel truly amazed and grateful for this abundance I feel - while I am with myself. While I take my moment to thank the Universe, my Fore-bearers and the Sun. As I start my morning runs with a busy mind, slowly I get in tune with my breathing and the focus on my upper core. The mind wanders, and I observe that too. And, slowly I bring myself to the breathing - deep long breathes. To the feeling deep within the upper core - where I can sense the struggle the body is making to keep going. It is simply amazing to observe this. The affirmation with the body helps me calm down my mind. I say to myself - yes, this is the abundance. Thanks to the temple I am housed in and the guide that is through this breathing - I am able to draw myself within. This is my divinity. I feel this solitude connects me with the essence of the Universe - the existence that is - a tiny wee part of which we are experiencing via our lives. How blessed we are - I am - to be able to witness this abundance.

I take a moment to express my gratitude to the Universe, to my fore-bearers and the Sun for this amazing experience.


All the struggles, pain and headache, that come with trail running and mountain biking, are simply a means to this inner journey of salvation. Somehow this journey has helped me find renewed meaning into my 40s. If not for this divine morning moments life can be full of unfulfilled wishes and desires. The mind can drive us insane while we spiral down an abyss.

If not for this divine moment the mind can rally us along its tides, battering us with fear, uncertainty and feeling deprived. I am truly grateful that I am able to observe my mind taking me on its ride while within the upper core deep down it feels a different story. If I am mindful and present in the moment, the experience can be somewhat different than just being driven by the mind. Not that the mind ride is totally bad, it is also about observing and listening to the deep down upper core.


This is a tough practice. No matter how few (or often times non) these might be happening on a daily basis, yet I am truly humbled and grateful.

Cheers to this renewed life in 40s.








Saturday, August 28, 2021

Breathing eclipse



Feel like writing something. Do not know where or how to begin. It has been a while since I last wrote.

I got this nice feeling while in toilet that ya, I better write something tonight. It feels warm from within. In essence it is about reflections on some of the recent internal journeys. Journeys that we all go through – of spiritual and wonder, of the push and pull within, of mind and heart, of never ending chain of thoughts. While on these rides, by some miracle and grace I am starting to notice my breathing. Like the breathing is coaxing me into some kind of trance.

I have discovered my meditation. And, it is not as difficult. It is actually so obvious, and so accessible, if we care to notice. And, it can be any time or moment of day – whether running, biking, resting, in the toilet, while cooking, at work, in the meetings, and even in bed.

Ramblings of daily mind – like the waves that flow in over your feet and make you wet, and then flow away after a while. The waves are somehow like those internal ups and downs. Yet, you are there, on the shore, and you are there breathing. As though you start observing those waves come and go. The waves or the ramblings stop affecting your being. You are simply there, in the ‘now’.

I am constantly being hit by highs and lows, happy moments and not happy moments and sad moments, joy and monotony of struggles, calmness of being and chain of thoughts and worries, newness in everyday, surprises and the boring repetitive tasks. I do get affected most of the time by these waves. Sometimes I try to stay stand put, and keep breathing. What I have started to notice is the ‘breathing’ is slowly starting to show itself up. I have started to notice more often, in those rare moments, of the ‘breathing’ eclipsing the waves instead of myself having to remind me to meditate. This is quite spectacular – to be able to register breathing eclipsing the waves instead of enforcing meditation.

And not judge the ride, myself or any of it happening. Simply observe and be in the trance. Relying on the breathing while feeling the upper core. There is something magical there, and the least I can say is the feeling of deep love.

To be able to find that lead, the breathing that starts to take over, feels so very lucky. To be able to follow that ray of hope and dive within. Wow, I feel so humble and in awe – that I am even able to find that and follow it. Taking me straight into my heart and the upper core. It is amazing – to access the real me – breathing and calm – the me in ‘now’.

It feels pious, like finding home as we traverse through fog with almost zero visibility. Indeed an auspicious ritual – visiting home and the warmth of home coming. The heart exuberates with love and warmth. To find the auspicious temple – so invisible or overlooked otherwise.

Feels like a feat – simple yet so elusive, and far-fetched (if I look back at my early days of adulthood when I started this journey) yet so accessible.

I thank – thank the universe – for this amazing opportunity.

Balwatar home, 10:50 pm
25 August 2021

Monday, January 02, 2017

Finding my Omens



“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist




~~~


This journey had a wonderful and surprising beginning.

It started when I met Wendy aboard the Malpensa Express, while traveling from Malpensa Airport to Milano Centrale. Like attracts like and I felt it in full bloom. We connected quickly, having shared what we were in the city for. She liked the idea of our clothing and the Artigiano in Fiera. The context in which we were working, the fairness in our work and selling that in Europe.

She is into fair trade and ecological products. She is an aware lady, and cares about the source and the people who make the products. She is part of the enlightened group that cares about the world, the resources and the people in whole. That intervening cultures and people’s ways (in developing countries) can sometimes negatively impact their life prospects in the long run. It may seem development work, while it might negatively affect their livelihood.

She seemed familiar with Nepal though she had never been here. The company she worked for had a charity project in Nepal. And the charity worked directly with the people in need, building homes for people who had been devastated by the earthquake in 2015.

I appreciated her sensitivity and appreciation for people, unlike herself, from diverse background. I felt she honestly cared and respected the person sitting opposite her who was listening to her in awe.

I was inspired by her and her outlook of the world, and the various people and cultures that made up this world. This is an affirmation and hope for a sustainable, beautiful and abundant earth. That we all feel an integral part of this world and existence.


She presented me this beautiful gift of ‘Frankincense’. 100% pure essential oil. She explained it to me that I could start my day with a beautiful wish. Everything that comes by today, no matter small or big, difficult or easy, may I face them all with love and kindness. May I be surprised by the events that unfold. That I have the patience no matter how hard I’m struck, just watch my breathing and say to myself ‘everything is going to be all right’.

I’d start my day with a touch of Frankincense, as a holy ceremony of blessing myself, my day, my activities, people who were going to cross paths with me, share the goodness of my job with love. Blessing all those who’d come by our stand in the Fiera, all those who helped prepare the beautiful garments, my other half, my daughter, my family, my loved ones, atoms and molecules around.

Send love for a beautiful day full of love for oneself and others. This kind of prospect for day-to-day life brought me immense patience and treat myself with kindness. This would in turn allow me to treat others with patience and kindness. That I would not be carried away with fear and submit to my own impatience. That I got this new power and maturity to tackle issues in life.

It has come a long way. I feel absolutely blessed by the new way of looking at my daily life, bit by bit, with wishes and projection of day full of love and patience.


I thank you Wendy. I thank you for you were the first omen in this journey, and I feel so lucky and blessed for that. Tusen Takk!




~~~


Meeting Carolina, my second omen.

Carolina embraced me without any condition. She liked me for what I am.
She stood by me when I needed her – she was there for me with all her heart. She took care of me and protected me. She made me secure from distant. She fed me from the fount of her bosom when I was thirsty.

She made me aware and that I am intelligent and should affirm to my heart’s resonance. That I know it – I have the information – I have the sense. I should very much listen to my gut instinct. She made me feel so empowered. I have all the means and sensibility, that I could forge ahead with conviction and follow my dreams. It made me accomplish so much – more than I could imagine.
I was surprised to find this new me!

She is a person I enjoyed very much – the company and the work. We’d worked for what we were meant to, and give in the best of our effort. I felt we complemented each other. She contributed with her strengths and I with mine. It was a very good feeling working with her.

She stood like a strong wall, fenced me against my doubts, troubles and weakness. She gave me strength to face my challenges head on. She made sure I had somebody to rely upon, the safety net to fall onto. She stood by me by the storm.

She’d once said ‘Hey Shiv, I am here with you, and I am not leaving you until we finish it all’. This meant the world to me than. She stood by me and helped me until we finished the job.

She came to see me when I was leaving Milan. She was unwell and her body ached. Still she came to say farewell. She brought me a sweater. I told her later it was not only a Christmas gift but also my birthday gift.
It was not easy letting go of her. I kissed her goodbye and headed to the train station.

I feel grateful to have known a soul so beautiful, honest, caring and loving, I miss her. As though without her this special journey is incomplete. I am grateful to the universe for having brought a beautiful and kind soul Carolina in my life.




~~~


Visiting Cedric in Lucerne

I had known Cedric as special and kind friend of Nanu. We had been together in the earthquake of 2015 here in Nepal, and this is what brought us together.

He visited me in December 2015 at the Fiera in Milan, and stayed a night. He visited again last year, and it was lovely to see him again.

I had a feeling I wanted to see him in Lucerne after the Fiera. And I made a very good decision, thanks to Nanu for the encouragement and positive push.

Now, having spent one and a half day in Lucerene was short for a visit. We made the best of that time – we maxed out without rushing. Cedric had taken leave for most part of it, and I felt privileged to have a him as my guide.

We celebrated my 36th birthday at an Italian Restaurant. This was a beautiful treat from Cedric the evening of my arrival. We walked a bit around that evening.

The next day was super. We went to Rigi Kulmn. The crossing from fog into the brightly lit sunny mountain was magical. As though a whole new world awaited us up there. Below was all grey and cold from the fog.

There was this familiar feeling of being on the mountain top – similar to that of being back home. Then he shared something very special. This drink he had received from a good friend of his, to celebrate his coming back home and to life after the earthquake of 2015. We both took the last sip atop Rigi Kulmn. He said he found it in the back pack he was carrying that day, and who better to share than me. This was super special.

The evening was a fondue party with his good friends. This is an evening hard to forget.

We prepared the fondue – and it all began in his kitchen. We moved to the tower of his house. His friends are special – very different and quite open and kind. As we stuck our long forks into vegetables dipped in fondue and savoured while sipping drink on the side, our conversation was getting more and more interesting. We talked about science, monks, art, spirituality, order and disorder of things. The interesting thing is we could all converse from our stand points, and everyone was open to hearing. This openness and receptiveness, the diverse background of scientists and artists was a beautiful amalgam. The openness, receptiveness and kindness really made me feel part of the evening and part of the people. This was special for it fed my soul. Such discussions and moments are the ones that bring out the best in us.




~~~


The last leg of the trip was visiting Nanu and Vinzenz in the Netherlands. They had recently moved into a new place in Utrecht, and I wanted to see their new home.

I was so happy to be with them. We went twice to the cinema in my 5-day visit. Watching movies together has become kind of a rite.

I shared my new found experiences. The Monday morning of 19th December I had a long and lovely conversation with Nanu. I could confide in her and share all from the bottom of my heart. Her affirmation is like finding my home.




~~~


I have had such beautiful and fulfilling experiences – I feel my heart calling.
This is my aspiration and inspiration, my university.
I find myself so blessed, with all the beautiful souls around me.

I find myself a new me. Like I have distilled and matured into a rare spirit – sparkling with light, smooth and soft.

I am going to be kind, patient and accept it all with love. That it is coming to me and I believe in it. What I seek is happening, and I just have to be patient and have my senses open for the omens – a magical journey finding my omens.



~~~
 

Thursday, December 24, 2015

L'amore Italiano - The Italian Love

I am trying to jot down words from my trip to Milano. I am total blank, don't now what to write or share.

I know I do want to share - the part I was feeling strongly the first few days after arriving back home. Beloved Rajani had asked, "Did you fall in love back in Milan?" I know I was missing something for sure.

Being in the cozy apartment near Fiera, Rho, was a mini Italian life. I felt like I had always been there. I seemed to enjoy the feeling of being there.

I had gone with a specific objective. I had to organize this shop in L' Artigiano in Fiera. I had been with Rajani in 2011. It was a new and tough experience back then. I was anxious how this one would come together. The one thing I knew I would do my best without worrying too much about any expectation.

When I look at what I did I am quite happy how it came together. The big luck was finding Chiara, the sister of my very good friend Edoardo. I knew I could trust this connection. Just that knowing each other would take time. I was lucky in that too. She was more than I had expected - a hard working lady, an honest person and a really good sales person. I felt privileged to have her as my companion in the fair.

My dear sister Sweta came to help me on the first weekend of the fair. Another good friend, Cedric whom I got to know through Sweta, also came visiting. This was like being surrounded with love and care and good company to ease the work.

Chiara and I worked hard to put the shop together and sell. It was both our ideas that converged to make the shop nice and appealing. She is a good sales person, and I learnt a lot from her. In spite of our efforts, we did not make good business. We didn't even break-even.
On the brighter side Chiara is interested in our products, and she would like to sell some of them at markets or to shops. This is something like having a base there for new customers we might find.

We had fun selling and being at the fair. We enjoyed lunch and snack breaks. We would almost always have a very good Italian white wine 'Proseco' around 5 or 6 pm. We would bring some food from home, like sandwiches, fruits and chococlate. For dinner we'd find something at either of these restaurants from Argentina, Brazil, Mexico and Thailand. Italian coffee is the best, and we had few every day. I am longing to achieve something similar to Italian coffee here back home.

The fair was an opportunity to interact with Italians. That wouldn't have been possible without such an event. This was opportunity for me to learn and experience bit of Italian culture and language. This was great fun.

After the fair was over, Chiara brought me packets of spaghetti, coffee, parmigiano and cookies. Her kindness was overwhelming, I felt like a family going back home with rich Italian finds.
Then I had a short trip to Chivasso and Torino. Chiara drove us to her home in Chivasso. Chivasso is next to a river and mountains close by. Chivasso isn't high-rise and congested. It is small and nice, and even has rail crossings where one has to wait for train to pass. I liked the ambience.

I got to meet her daughter and husband. Her parents had been in Kathmandu during Edo and Mingma's wedding. It was a warm family visit, her parents were equally excited to see me. They have a beautiful home.

We went for aperitif at a local bar. Then, we had dinner at Chiara's parents. Proseco followed me to their table, seemed typical of the region. I received so much love, I was home and was treated like a son.

In 2011 Artigiano, Edo had invited us to his home after the business at Fiera. We didn't manage back then. I had felt sad about that. This visit made it even. I was extremely happy to be at his home. It was like exploring Edo's previous life in Chivasso - photographs, books, musical instruments and few paintings. I had no idea he did paintings at one stage in his life.
It was a nice surprise to find Rajani in the marriage photograph of Edo and Mingma in their living room.
I appreciate Edo and his family, rich in love and strong family ties.

Next day, we went to the city of Torino. Though a big city, it isn't too shiny or busy as Milano. It has a rich history of being the former capital.
We passed by Cafe Des Arts for aperitif. I found another sign of Nepal in the bar. They had some poster from KatJazz and I could read Mariano's name on it.

We drove back home and it was past 10 in the night. Emmanuela had dinner ready for us. I just couldn't believe, she is super Mama.

I bid farewell to the parents and drove back to Milano with Chiara. They loaded me with gifts to take back home.

The last day in Milano, I managed to visit the centre - a short walk from Cadorna to Cairoli, and to Duomo. On one of the streets going out of Duomo square, there was Nepalese flag upfront followed by others.

Walked back to Cairoli and back to the apartment and it was time to catch my flight back home.

I was worried about luggage overweight, I managed to pass through.
The 'Namaste' from check-in guy was a sweet farewell.

I enjoyed my last Italian cafe before boarding.

I knew I was going to be with my beloveds soon. I was super delighted to be with my other half and Suravi.

Back home I was caught in nostalgia. That is when Rajani asked if I had fallen in love. Yes indeed - Italia.

Arrividerci Italia!