Breathing eclipse

Feel like writing something. Do not know where or how to begin. It has been a while since I last wrote.

I got this nice feeling while in toilet that ya, I better write something tonight. It feels warm from within. In essence it is about reflections on some of the recent internal journeys. Journeys that we all go through – of spiritual and wonder, of the push and pull within, of mind and heart, of never ending chain of thoughts. While on these rides, by some miracle and grace I am starting to notice my breathing. Like the breathing is coaxing me into some kind of trance.

I have discovered my meditation. And, it is not as difficult. It is actually so obvious, and so accessible, if we care to notice. And, it can be any time or moment of day – whether running, biking, resting, in the toilet, while cooking, at work, in the meetings, and even in bed.

Ramblings of daily mind – like the waves that flow in over your feet and make you wet, and then flow away after a while. The waves are somehow like those internal ups and downs. Yet, you are there, on the shore, and you are there breathing. As though you start observing those waves come and go. The waves or the ramblings stop affecting your being. You are simply there, in the ‘now’.

I am constantly being hit by highs and lows, happy moments and not happy moments and sad moments, joy and monotony of struggles, calmness of being and chain of thoughts and worries, newness in everyday, surprises and the boring repetitive tasks. I do get affected most of the time by these waves. Sometimes I try to stay stand put, and keep breathing. What I have started to notice is the ‘breathing’ is slowly starting to show itself up. I have started to notice more often, in those rare moments, of the ‘breathing’ eclipsing the waves instead of myself having to remind me to meditate. This is quite spectacular – to be able to register breathing eclipsing the waves instead of enforcing meditation.

And not judge the ride, myself or any of it happening. Simply observe and be in the trance. Relying on the breathing while feeling the upper core. There is something magical there, and the least I can say is the feeling of deep love.

To be able to find that lead, the breathing that starts to take over, feels so very lucky. To be able to follow that ray of hope and dive within. Wow, I feel so humble and in awe – that I am even able to find that and follow it. Taking me straight into my heart and the upper core. It is amazing – to access the real me – breathing and calm – the me in ‘now’.

It feels pious, like finding home as we traverse through fog with almost zero visibility. Indeed an auspicious ritual – visiting home and the warmth of home coming. The heart exuberates with love and warmth. To find the auspicious temple – so invisible or overlooked otherwise.

Feels like a feat – simple yet so elusive, and far-fetched (if I look back at my early days of adulthood when I started this journey) yet so accessible.

I thank – thank the universe – for this amazing opportunity.

Balwatar home, 10:50 pm
25 August 2021

L'amore Italiano - The Italian Love

I am trying to jot down words from my trip to Milano. I am total blank, don't now what to write or share.

I know I do want to share - the part I was feeling strongly the first few days after arriving back home. Beloved Rajani had asked, "Did you fall in love back in Milan?" I know I was missing something for sure.

Being in the cozy apartment near Fiera, Rho, was a mini Italian life. I felt like I had always been there. I seemed to enjoy the feeling of being there.

I had gone with a specific objective. I had to organize this shop in L' Artigiano in Fiera. I had been with Rajani in 2011. It was a new and tough experience back then. I was anxious how this one would come together. The one thing I knew I would do my best without worrying too much about any expectation.

When I look at what I did I am quite happy how it came together. The big luck was finding Chiara, the sister of my very good friend Edoardo. I knew I could trust this connection. Just that knowing each other would take time. I was lucky in that too. She was more than I had expected - a hard working lady, an honest person and a really good sales person. I felt privileged to have her as my companion in the fair.

My dear sister Sweta came to help me on the first weekend of the fair. Another good friend, Cedric whom I got to know through Sweta, also came visiting. This was like being surrounded with love and care and good company to ease the work.

Chiara and I worked hard to put the shop together and sell. It was both our ideas that converged to make the shop nice and appealing. She is a good sales person, and I learnt a lot from her. In spite of our efforts, we did not make good business. We didn't even break-even.
On the brighter side Chiara is interested in our products, and she would like to sell some of them at markets or to shops. This is something like having a base there for new customers we might find.

We had fun selling and being at the fair. We enjoyed lunch and snack breaks. We would almost always have a very good Italian white wine 'Proseco' around 5 or 6 pm. We would bring some food from home, like sandwiches, fruits and chococlate. For dinner we'd find something at either of these restaurants from Argentina, Brazil, Mexico and Thailand. Italian coffee is the best, and we had few every day. I am longing to achieve something similar to Italian coffee here back home.

The fair was an opportunity to interact with Italians. That wouldn't have been possible without such an event. This was opportunity for me to learn and experience bit of Italian culture and language. This was great fun.

After the fair was over, Chiara brought me packets of spaghetti, coffee, parmigiano and cookies. Her kindness was overwhelming, I felt like a family going back home with rich Italian finds.
Then I had a short trip to Chivasso and Torino. Chiara drove us to her home in Chivasso. Chivasso is next to a river and mountains close by. Chivasso isn't high-rise and congested. It is small and nice, and even has rail crossings where one has to wait for train to pass. I liked the ambience.

I got to meet her daughter and husband. Her parents had been in Kathmandu during Edo and Mingma's wedding. It was a warm family visit, her parents were equally excited to see me. They have a beautiful home.

We went for aperitif at a local bar. Then, we had dinner at Chiara's parents. Proseco followed me to their table, seemed typical of the region. I received so much love, I was home and was treated like a son.

In 2011 Artigiano, Edo had invited us to his home after the business at Fiera. We didn't manage back then. I had felt sad about that. This visit made it even. I was extremely happy to be at his home. It was like exploring Edo's previous life in Chivasso - photographs, books, musical instruments and few paintings. I had no idea he did paintings at one stage in his life.
It was a nice surprise to find Rajani in the marriage photograph of Edo and Mingma in their living room.
I appreciate Edo and his family, rich in love and strong family ties.

Next day, we went to the city of Torino. Though a big city, it isn't too shiny or busy as Milano. It has a rich history of being the former capital.
We passed by Cafe Des Arts for aperitif. I found another sign of Nepal in the bar. They had some poster from KatJazz and I could read Mariano's name on it.

We drove back home and it was past 10 in the night. Emmanuela had dinner ready for us. I just couldn't believe, she is super Mama.

I bid farewell to the parents and drove back to Milano with Chiara. They loaded me with gifts to take back home.

The last day in Milano, I managed to visit the centre - a short walk from Cadorna to Cairoli, and to Duomo. On one of the streets going out of Duomo square, there was Nepalese flag upfront followed by others.

Walked back to Cairoli and back to the apartment and it was time to catch my flight back home.

I was worried about luggage overweight, I managed to pass through.
The 'Namaste' from check-in guy was a sweet farewell.

I enjoyed my last Italian cafe before boarding.

I knew I was going to be with my beloveds soon. I was super delighted to be with my other half and Suravi.

Back home I was caught in nostalgia. That is when Rajani asked if I had fallen in love. Yes indeed - Italia.

Arrividerci Italia!