Breathing eclipse

Feel like writing something. Do not know where or how to begin. It has been a while since I last wrote.

I got this nice feeling while in toilet that ya, I better write something tonight. It feels warm from within. In essence it is about reflections on some of the recent internal journeys. Journeys that we all go through – of spiritual and wonder, of the push and pull within, of mind and heart, of never ending chain of thoughts. While on these rides, by some miracle and grace I am starting to notice my breathing. Like the breathing is coaxing me into some kind of trance.

I have discovered my meditation. And, it is not as difficult. It is actually so obvious, and so accessible, if we care to notice. And, it can be any time or moment of day – whether running, biking, resting, in the toilet, while cooking, at work, in the meetings, and even in bed.

Ramblings of daily mind – like the waves that flow in over your feet and make you wet, and then flow away after a while. The waves are somehow like those internal ups and downs. Yet, you are there, on the shore, and you are there breathing. As though you start observing those waves come and go. The waves or the ramblings stop affecting your being. You are simply there, in the ‘now’.

I am constantly being hit by highs and lows, happy moments and not happy moments and sad moments, joy and monotony of struggles, calmness of being and chain of thoughts and worries, newness in everyday, surprises and the boring repetitive tasks. I do get affected most of the time by these waves. Sometimes I try to stay stand put, and keep breathing. What I have started to notice is the ‘breathing’ is slowly starting to show itself up. I have started to notice more often, in those rare moments, of the ‘breathing’ eclipsing the waves instead of myself having to remind me to meditate. This is quite spectacular – to be able to register breathing eclipsing the waves instead of enforcing meditation.

And not judge the ride, myself or any of it happening. Simply observe and be in the trance. Relying on the breathing while feeling the upper core. There is something magical there, and the least I can say is the feeling of deep love.

To be able to find that lead, the breathing that starts to take over, feels so very lucky. To be able to follow that ray of hope and dive within. Wow, I feel so humble and in awe – that I am even able to find that and follow it. Taking me straight into my heart and the upper core. It is amazing – to access the real me – breathing and calm – the me in ‘now’.

It feels pious, like finding home as we traverse through fog with almost zero visibility. Indeed an auspicious ritual – visiting home and the warmth of home coming. The heart exuberates with love and warmth. To find the auspicious temple – so invisible or overlooked otherwise.

Feels like a feat – simple yet so elusive, and far-fetched (if I look back at my early days of adulthood when I started this journey) yet so accessible.

I thank – thank the universe – for this amazing opportunity.

Balwatar home, 10:50 pm
25 August 2021

Full Circle Panauti

This is an oldie goldie written on Monday, 23 February 2009.

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Full Circle Panauti

 

I did a trip to Panauti this weekend, and the entire trip has been a magical experience. The sheer pleasure of biking, the exotic views, eating in teashops along the way, chatting with local people in the teashops, feeling of a nomad and metaphors that occurred as reflections, as though making a big Full Circle. They are like quirky feelings, yet as profound as still water that runs deep.

I made my way through Patan – Gwarko – Lubu – Lamatar – Lakuri Bhanjyang – Panauti – a one-day photography workshop with Mani Lama in Panauti – Banepa – Bhaktapur – Baneshwor to visit dad – Reliance School to visit my dear teachers – and back home.

The reflection of this trip is a ride into the past – life when I was small and how it used to be back then. I felt it in Panauti while making photographs of traditional brick houses, alleys, fields, simple life of a village town, constructing home using mud, children playing marbles and making toy out of clay and the smell of earth. Panauti is a close-knit town. So did I feel inside – a close-knit circle of friends and situations trying to inspire each other in making the best possible shots.

On my way back to Kathmandu I felt like visiting my dad. He wasn’t home, so I left him a note saying I had passed by and shared about the splendid time I had this weekend in Panauti. From my dad’s home the very first school I went to is close by. I felt like a magnet pull to visit the school and age-old dear teachers there.
What a nice surprise! I ran into Anita Ma’am and Sanjeev Sir. Excited enough we updated each other about our lives. It was really like visiting my home from the past where we were nurtured with love. This is why I feel so strongly about my five years in Reliance School.

On my way back home I was thinking of this pilgrimage to sacred sites of mine making a Full Circle. Not only this circle of metaphor is so much wider than my imagination but also how euphoric I feel to be able to sense this. Sanjeev Sir has been taking his students outdoors – on treks and overnight camps around Kathmandu. He wants to share the joy of learning that extends beyond the classroom. It was this love for outdoor and experiential learning I poured out all about my trip to Panauti and the workshop experiences.

To me all these eventualities since Friday felt more like a ride down rabbit-hole of the Full Circle. The more I think the more I see the ever expanding Full Circle metaphor, and I simply exclaim to myself ‘life is beautiful’.

Before I bid farewell to my teachers I knew I would be coming back to this wonderful connection from the past in this school. Probably join the students on trip around valley or even introduce weekend biking. And how I feel of sharing my life and love in doing so.

I can’t thank enough! Words don’t mean as much as I feel in my heart. I faced my weakness – the flip trap we all possess called the ‘mind’. I am so proud that this time I could sense my flippy mind riding over my true being, I was able to differentiate my impulse from my true emotions stemming from heart. These impulses and urges being mere tides of an ocean, when the tides go down one can see the life and earth left behind. Yet the excitement is no less, the life and earth signifying the true and un-judged aspect of ourselves. I am simply so very happy, and thank the existence – the individuals, the situations, the moments, the emotions, the Panauti, not least my dad and mom without whom these experiences wouldn’t have been possible.

There is no other big thing I am expecting for or awaiting to happen in my life – I can very much feel it right here… right now!
I ask myself is this the ultimate? Yes, I know to myself… the ultimate is NOW. 

 

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Dolpo Trek II

16 July 2019, Tuesday, Yak Kharka

Somehow the walk from Temche to Yak Kharka seems to be one of the most beautiful treats of the trek.

The valley, immensely beautifully, is carved by gently sloping mountains from two sides, the rivers converging down at Temche – and the start of meadows, some signs of civilization and the view that extends further down the valley of green expanse, river and waterfalls from mountains.

Looking at the mountains – studying the rock formation, following the contours, layers and shape of the mountains – the visual accessibility from their base, the low hanging clouds – this is simply out of the world. Never have I been in such mesmerising beauty in the untouched nature.

As we climb down from the snaky path down to Temche there is seemingly a bus-like rocky mountain on the right. As I go further down, this rocky mountain looks like a bus or rather a space ship, as though it has been there for eternity, and could lift off any moment. The seemingly inanimate land formation is animated.

And there, on some rocky mountains, I see beautiful waterfalls. On one instance, this soft silky water falls between two tapering and slightly slanted mountains. Like some sci-fi structures in-the-waiting.

Why? Why are these perfectly natural geological objects giving me such eccentric feelings? Perhaps, I think to myself, I have never seen and experienced such beautiful splendour ever before. Or, had the slightest clue to what Dolpo Trek would offer.

In the other instance, water sprouts out from a rocky facade like the mountain is throwing up. As though through inner streams and tunnels the water oozes out suddenly like a soft water cannon. The waterfall merges into the river down below.


The valley continues, with green meadow expanse and river cutting right through the gorges. We follow the river, walk quite a bit into the valley. It seems like it would take forever to pass that sloping ridge below in the distant horizon before it opens up new vistas. The path is visible like a serpentine guide below the base of the mountains on the right. The river is further left below the gorges.

And wow, light turquoise bluish water. I see through the water, as though the cleanest and most pure river I have seen.

We arrive Yak Kharka. We have walked the green meadows. Little flowers carpet the green meadow occasionally. I watch out not to tramp, can’t help it as it is all over. The nature inspires me immensely and I feel these beautiful flowers greet us – to welcome us into this beautiful valley and nature. Close to Yak Kharka, past the sloping ridge that has opened into this wide meadow of Yak Kharka, we spot Marmots. Beautiful and shy, they hide into the bushes or their burrows. There are many such burrows all over the green meadow floor. Some openly visible and some slightly hidden by the rocks and bushes.

We are happy to spot our campsite. There are black Naks around – beautiful and full of grace. Rest of our team have arrived. Everyone is delighted and happy after this long descending walk. We have crossed two passes – the Numa La at 5309 meters and the Baga La at 5169 meters in succession. Phew, surely I have conquered some high mountains within.


Today I had a very amazing and wonderful experience climbing up to the Baga La Pass. I was behind the lead Kedar – one of the kitchen crews and porter. It was a slow uphill. As I was climbing, at some point, it was just my breath and me. This was meditative – as though I found my ‘Now’ there. It didn’t matter – the hardship, the small steps, who was ahead or behind. I was in the ‘Now’ and I felt blessed.

This experience somehow started in when we were doing the Numa La Pass yesterday. This one was more difficult and steep. The final attack from the last stop just before the pass – I was flooded with thoughts. So many imaginations were pouring in. Then at one moment I thought ‘Why?’ ‘But why?’

Then it happened – just me and my breath.



I was the third to summit the Numa La Pass, and second on the Baga La Pass.



Yesterday, the arrival at Danigar Base Camp was sort of magical. I remember Danigar a bright sighting for the wet and tiring long walk. It was drizzling. I was partially wet like everybody else. I was cold and hungry. And angry because there was no space to find cover in the tent. While closing in on the camping site, past that final turn, Danigar revealed like a paradise place between two converging meadow mountains. The river curving through the two mountains, and campsite by the river on a little stony grass patch. The river snaked gently, slow and easy, with a bright aura high up there at confluence of the two mountains where the river must have started. It was the next morning that I saw another higher mountain right above the confluence where I had imagined the river had originated.

It had been a crazy walk going steep down the Numa La Pass. The excitement of the pass gradually shadowed by the never ending steep and tiring descend. In a matter of first ten minutes or so I started to feel my knees. I was running down in excitement, and it was my knees that reminded me to take it slow.


We spotted Blue Sheep herd just after the Numa La Pass. There were on the right ridge – on the barren cliff mountain high up at almost 5000 meters. There were quite a few of them with a little kid as well.

Dolpo Trek

17 July 2019, Wednesday
Phoksumdo Lake

Dearest Suravi,
It was so nice talking to you and Mamu earlier. It felt good to hear your voice, and that you were expecting to see me, Phupu and Phupa after our Dolpo Trek.

I woke up at 05:33 am today in Yak Kharka. It was a beautiful morning – no more clouds or grey weather. Some low hanging fog, but blue sky. The sun came out slow and nice - lighting the blue sky, then the snow clad mountain top, and gradually the hill-tops and mountain-tops forming the Yak Kharka Valley. Phupu and I sat down waiting for the sun to illuminate us. This was the beginning of the magical journey today.

Everybody is really happy today. The pristine blue sky with some white clouds, the green meadow expanse, the beautiful morning after all the past grey weather, wet days and nights.
We started the walk to Phoksumdo Lake after a relaxed and easy breakfast. Something was magical today – everything felt so good. The sight, the place, the valley, the meadows, the mountains, the serene light turquoise river, the path, the bushes we passed through were all a delight. I was melancholic, and I was thinking and feeling about You and Mamu – missing you both. You both would have enjoyed all this as much.

It was a melancholy I wanted to last. I wanted this feeling to be there – somehow I felt so good, so very good. It was, how do I describe, like the most beautiful place and moment to be in. My heart was crying, the ambient beauty and moment I had found myself in. The raw and blissful nature – I felt a strong connection to – like I never want to let go. I want to capture this and take it with me. To present You and Mamu with this wonderful gift of Dolpo Trek, and specially the last two days of mesmerising in absolute nature.

Mingmar said, if only we would have had clear and sunny day like today at the passes – Numa La and Baga La. I replied, I am actually very grateful for today and this moment. We can never be satisfied as human wishes are manifold. Today I felt just as complete and satisfied – this was one of the best moments of the trip. And I am really grateful for this day and the moment. I felt we understood each other, somehow we were on same plane of thoughts and feelings.

Photographs © Shivendra Shah

By the Side of a River in Yesteryears — 19 March 2005

By the Side of a River

our day out

by the side of a river

a warm sunny day

and breeze is a delight

spirits of the dead

reside out here

we’ll say hello

should we meet one

sit down on soft green grass

watch the water flow

stench of the river

ain’t that bad though

watch the swallows hover

low on the river

and how they swing

playing in the air

a wonderful setting

amidst crazy Kathmandu

a warm sunny day

and breeze is a delight

an eagle nearby

stands on a tiny island of debris

gently glides after a while

and rises back in the air

a tiny creature

swimming in the river

with its head out – sight of a snake

and the eagle has missed it – exclaims my friend

down the river

the snake swims

we’re getting late my friend

let’s follow the snake

‘til it

meets another debris island

where relaxed birds

alarmed, fly back in air

out of sight

the snake and the swallows

a warm sunny day

and breeze is a delight

Saturday - 19 March 2005

Cosmic twitching

A world of dreams
Imaginations
My drawings
In the making

Enveloped
In the fog
Of my dreams
Alas
Is it happening
Outside the veil


A dreamer
I am
Living in
A dream world

Venting my frustration
Of not my dreaming

Nor do I know
Tis right or wrong
A world of my dreams
Or to live outside

My dreams
And imaginations
Making a book of wonders
For my daughter

An exchange
A session of inspiration
Looking into
The bigger picture

Igniting
The embers
Of awe and wonder
In young hearts

Connecting dots
Finding meanings

The twitchings
Of my brain cells
The amazing being
Called the 'I'

Tis about 'Me'
Most of the time
The world churning
For me

An illusion
'Me'
A tiny winy bee
Of this existential universe

Is it love
The cosmic spirit
All the individual 'I's
Manifest a collective
The cosmic fabric

A world of dreams
Imaginations
My drawings
In the making

A ye
Dreaming
Magic
In the making

Finding my Omens

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

~~~

This journey had a wonderful and surprising beginning.

It started when I met Wendy aboard the Malpensa Express, while traveling from Malpensa Airport to Milano Centrale. Like attracts like and I felt it in full bloom. We connected quickly, having shared what we were in the city for. She liked the idea of our clothing and the Artigiano in Fiera. The context in which we were working, the fairness in our work and selling that in Europe.

She is into fair trade and ecological products. She is an aware lady, and cares about the source and the people who make the products. She is part of the enlightened group that cares about the world, the resources and the people in whole. That intervening cultures and people’s ways (in developing countries) can sometimes negatively impact their life prospects in the long run. It may seem development work, while it might negatively affect their livelihood.

She seemed familiar with Nepal though she had never been here. The company she worked for had a charity project in Nepal. And the charity worked directly with the people in need, building homes for people who had been devastated by the earthquake in 2015.

I appreciated her sensitivity and appreciation for people, unlike herself, from diverse background. I felt she honestly cared and respected the person sitting opposite her who was listening to her in awe.

I was inspired by her and her outlook of the world, and the various people and cultures that made up this world. This is an affirmation and hope for a sustainable, beautiful and abundant earth. That we all feel an integral part of this world and existence.

She presented me this beautiful gift of ‘Frankincense’. 100% pure essential oil. She explained it to me that I could start my day with a beautiful wish. Everything that comes by today, no matter small or big, difficult or easy, may I face them all with love and kindness. May I be surprised by the events that unfold. That I have the patience no matter how hard I’m struck, just watch my breathing and say to myself ‘everything is going to be all right’.

I’d start my day with a touch of Frankincense, as a holy ceremony of blessing myself, my day, my activities, people who were going to cross paths with me, share the goodness of my job with love. Blessing all those who’d come by our stand in the Fiera, all those who helped prepare the beautiful garments, my other half, my daughter, my family, my loved ones, atoms and molecules around.

Send love for a beautiful day full of love for oneself and others. This kind of prospect for day-to-day life brought me immense patience and treat myself with kindness. This would in turn allow me to treat others with patience and kindness. That I would not be carried away with fear and submit to my own impatience. That I got this new power and maturity to tackle issues in life.

It has come a long way. I feel absolutely blessed by the new way of looking at my daily life, bit by bit, with wishes and projection of day full of love and patience.

I thank you Wendy. I thank you for you were the first omen in this journey, and I feel so lucky and blessed for that. Tusen Takk!

~~~

Meeting Carolina, my second omen.

Carolina embraced me without any condition. She liked me for what I am.

She stood by me when I needed her – she was there for me with all her heart. She took care of me and protected me. She made me secure from distant. She fed me from the fount of her bosom when I was thirsty.

She made me aware and that I am intelligent and should affirm to my heart’s resonance. That I know it – I have the information – I have the sense. I should very much listen to my gut instinct. She made me feel so empowered. I have all the means and sensibility, that I could forge ahead with conviction and follow my dreams. It made me accomplish so much – more than I could imagine.

I was surprised to find this new me!

She is a person I enjoyed very much – the company and the work. We’d worked for what we were meant to, and give in the best of our effort. I felt we complemented each other. She contributed with her strengths and I with mine. It was a very good feeling working with her.

She stood like a strong wall, fenced me against my doubts, troubles and weakness. She gave me strength to face my challenges head on. She made sure I had somebody to rely upon, the safety net to fall onto. She stood by me by the storm.

She’d once said ‘Hey Shiv, I am here with you, and I am not leaving you until we finish it all’. This meant the world to me than. She stood by me and helped me until we finished the job.

She came to see me when I was leaving Milan. She was unwell and her body ached. Still she came to say farewell. She brought me a sweater. I told her later it was not only a Christmas gift but also my birthday gift.

It was not easy letting go of her. I kissed her goodbye and headed to the train station.

I feel grateful to have known a soul so beautiful, honest, caring and loving, I miss her. As though without her this special journey is incomplete. I am grateful to the universe for having brought a beautiful and kind soul Carolina in my life.

~~~

Visiting Cedric in Lucerne

I had known Cedric as special and kind friend of Nanu. We had been together in the earthquake of 2015 here in Nepal, and this is what brought us together.

He visited me in December 2015 at the Fiera in Milan, and stayed a night. He visited again last year, and it was lovely to see him again.

I had a feeling I wanted to see him in Lucerne after the Fiera. And I made a very good decision, thanks to Nanu for the encouragement and positive push.

Now, having spent one and a half day in Lucerene was short for a visit. We made the best of that time – we maxed out without rushing. Cedric had taken leave for most part of it, and I felt privileged to have a him as my guide.

We celebrated my 36^th birthday at an Italian Restaurant. This was a beautiful treat from Cedric the evening of my arrival. We walked a bit around that evening.

The next day was super. We went to Rigi Kulmn. The crossing from fog into the brightly lit sunny mountain was magical. As though a whole new world awaited us up there. Below was all grey and cold from the fog.

There was this familiar feeling of being on the mountain top – similar to that of being back home. Then he shared something very special. This drink he had received from a good friend of his, to celebrate his coming back home and to life after the earthquake of 2015. We both took the last sip atop Rigi Kulmn. He said he found it in the back pack he was carrying that day, and who better to share than me. This was super special.

The evening was a fondue party with his good friends. This is an evening hard to forget.

We prepared the fondue – and it all began in his kitchen. We moved to the tower of his house. His friends are special – very different and quite open and kind. As we stuck our long forks into vegetables dipped in fondue and savoured while sipping drink on the side, our conversation was getting more and more interesting. We talked about science, monks, art, spirituality, order and disorder of things. The interesting thing is we could all converse from our stand points, and everyone was open to hearing. This openness and receptiveness, the diverse background of scientists and artists was a beautiful amalgam. The openness, receptiveness and kindness really made me feel part of the evening and part of the people. This was special for it fed my soul. Such discussions and moments are the ones that bring out the best in us.

~~~

The last leg of the trip was visiting Nanu and Vinzenz in the Netherlands. They had recently moved into a new place in Utrecht, and I wanted to see their new home.

I was so happy to be with them. We went twice to the cinema in my 5-day visit. Watching movies together has become kind of a rite.

I shared my new found experiences. The Monday morning of 19^th December I had a long and lovely conversation with Nanu. I could confide in her and share all from the bottom of my heart. Her affirmation is like finding my home.

~~~

I have had such beautiful and fulfilling experiences – I feel my heart calling.

This is my aspiration and inspiration, my university.

I find myself so blessed, with all the beautiful souls around me.

I find myself a new me. Like I have distilled and matured into a rare spirit – sparkling with light, smooth and soft.

I am going to be kind, patient and accept it all with love. That it is coming to me and I believe in it. What I seek is happening, and I just have to be patient and have my senses open for the omens – a magical journey finding my omens.

~~~

 

A beautiful poem by my very good friend Sagar Rijal

Shiven did not think about me
that much when I left.
He told me that he did not
even think about me at all.
He did not drop a tear.
Then he saw the cricket bat
lying on the corner.
Our bat, that we had cured,
we knew its sweet spots.
I have never hit a six but many fours.
Shiven was a finesse batsman.
We knew that bat.
We may never play
together again. 

 

 

 

credits: Sagar Rijal

It is wonderful, to be out here in the mountains. And specially this calm and quite village in Chandrakot at Mala Resort.

L'amore Italiano - The Italian Love

I am trying to jot down words from my trip to Milano. I am total blank, don't now what to write or share.

I know I do want to share - the part I was feeling strongly the first few days after arriving back home. Beloved Rajani had asked, "Did you fall in love back in Milan?" I know I was missing something for sure.

Being in the cozy apartment near Fiera, Rho, was a mini Italian life. I felt like I had always been there. I seemed to enjoy the feeling of being there.

I had gone with a specific objective. I had to organize this shop in L' Artigiano in Fiera. I had been with Rajani in 2011. It was a new and tough experience back then. I was anxious how this one would come together. The one thing I knew I would do my best without worrying too much about any expectation.

When I look at what I did I am quite happy how it came together. The big luck was finding Chiara, the sister of my very good friend Edoardo. I knew I could trust this connection. Just that knowing each other would take time. I was lucky in that too. She was more than I had expected - a hard working lady, an honest person and a really good sales person. I felt privileged to have her as my companion in the fair.

My dear sister Sweta came to help me on the first weekend of the fair. Another good friend, Cedric whom I got to know through Sweta, also came visiting. This was like being surrounded with love and care and good company to ease the work.

Chiara and I worked hard to put the shop together and sell. It was both our ideas that converged to make the shop nice and appealing. She is a good sales person, and I learnt a lot from her. In spite of our efforts, we did not make good business. We didn't even break-even.
On the brighter side Chiara is interested in our products, and she would like to sell some of them at markets or to shops. This is something like having a base there for new customers we might find.

We had fun selling and being at the fair. We enjoyed lunch and snack breaks. We would almost always have a very good Italian white wine 'Proseco' around 5 or 6 pm. We would bring some food from home, like sandwiches, fruits and chococlate. For dinner we'd find something at either of these restaurants from Argentina, Brazil, Mexico and Thailand. Italian coffee is the best, and we had few every day. I am longing to achieve something similar to Italian coffee here back home.

The fair was an opportunity to interact with Italians. That wouldn't have been possible without such an event. This was opportunity for me to learn and experience bit of Italian culture and language. This was great fun.

After the fair was over, Chiara brought me packets of spaghetti, coffee, parmigiano and cookies. Her kindness was overwhelming, I felt like a family going back home with rich Italian finds.
Then I had a short trip to Chivasso and Torino. Chiara drove us to her home in Chivasso. Chivasso is next to a river and mountains close by. Chivasso isn't high-rise and congested. It is small and nice, and even has rail crossings where one has to wait for train to pass. I liked the ambience.

I got to meet her daughter and husband. Her parents had been in Kathmandu during Edo and Mingma's wedding. It was a warm family visit, her parents were equally excited to see me. They have a beautiful home.

We went for aperitif at a local bar. Then, we had dinner at Chiara's parents. Proseco followed me to their table, seemed typical of the region. I received so much love, I was home and was treated like a son.

In 2011 Artigiano, Edo had invited us to his home after the business at Fiera. We didn't manage back then. I had felt sad about that. This visit made it even. I was extremely happy to be at his home. It was like exploring Edo's previous life in Chivasso - photographs, books, musical instruments and few paintings. I had no idea he did paintings at one stage in his life.
It was a nice surprise to find Rajani in the marriage photograph of Edo and Mingma in their living room.
I appreciate Edo and his family, rich in love and strong family ties.

Next day, we went to the city of Torino. Though a big city, it isn't too shiny or busy as Milano. It has a rich history of being the former capital.
We passed by Cafe Des Arts for aperitif. I found another sign of Nepal in the bar. They had some poster from KatJazz and I could read Mariano's name on it.

We drove back home and it was past 10 in the night. Emmanuela had dinner ready for us. I just couldn't believe, she is super Mama.

I bid farewell to the parents and drove back to Milano with Chiara. They loaded me with gifts to take back home.

The last day in Milano, I managed to visit the centre - a short walk from Cadorna to Cairoli, and to Duomo. On one of the streets going out of Duomo square, there was Nepalese flag upfront followed by others.

Walked back to Cairoli and back to the apartment and it was time to catch my flight back home.

I was worried about luggage overweight, I managed to pass through.
The 'Namaste' from check-in guy was a sweet farewell.

I enjoyed my last Italian cafe before boarding.

I knew I was going to be with my beloveds soon. I was super delighted to be with my other half and Suravi.

Back home I was caught in nostalgia. That is when Rajani asked if I had fallen in love. Yes indeed - Italia.

Arrividerci Italia!

Sincere gratitude

7 June 2013
Maharajgunj Home

I thank the atoms and molecules that make me me. My sincere gratitude to all those infinitely small particles that are held magically into this being that I am. I am truly amazed – and beyond understanding – bewildered by the association of these particles not only to form me, but rather provide this holy opportunity to thus realize the collective conscience of all those individual congregations that I can feel me and dive within to reflect how magical it is that they add up their infinitely tiny consciences to this me I feel within.

I am truly grateful to not only the infinitely big universe, but also to the infinitely tiny particles.

This is a cosmic high, somehow triggered by awakening of dormant memories of what we truly are, sparked by the fire of ‘The Grand Design’ by Stephen Hawkings and Leonard Mlodinow.

I find it so very beautiful that the universe brought us into being for it to realize and consciously feel it-own-self. I just find this so fascinating – to register itself the universe made us. And I feel lucky conscience to be participating in this aspect of universe.

Earlier, I felt more like we were seeded by universe, thus feeling infinitely tiny in this existence. After going through ‘The Grand Design’ I feel we add up to make this huge universe, us a huge assimilation of tiny universal particles to add up constituting the universe.

And, as these infinitely tiny seemingly individual particles constitute into my conscience, we too shouldn’t feel that individual and aloof. No matter how limited we might make ourselves in our thoughts of being individual, we so much constitute the bigger universe.

Imagine, nothing that we can imagine can be out of the context of this universe! It is bewildering, we are so much part of this universe – even our consciences and thoughts and feelings add up to constitute the universal conscience.

Our way, this thought/feeling/reflection is one way of looking into it. And I am sure there are other countless ways/dimensions of looking into universe, understanding where we come from, where we belong, part of what we constitute.

For now, I truly thank this magical human body I am, and that how infinite I can be!

12:32 hrs
enveloped in the ambience of rain

NamoBuddha blessings

This beauty
This serenity
Abound around us
Thank you Universe!


The serenity within
Emanating outside
Reminiscence of
Beauty within
What a blessing!

My sincere gratitude
This mystic connectedness
Me and You and the Universe

Oh, how I wish
This bliss
Bless us all

Bless those eyes within
Foresee beauty and serenity
Inspire Goodness and Positiviness
Within and Outside

A gift by Aabu

A Gift

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Maharajgunj Home.

Having this opportunity to meet my dear friend Upen after 12 years has been so very special. Seeing him after all these years has been like a reflection – finding my reflection in him.

I am taken back. I feel amazed to re-discover myself through the mirror of my best friend. It is a blessing to have this opportunity to re-discover ourselves through eyes of each other. It has added in my self confidence and belief in myself. 

Finding each other face to face, in person, has been an auspicious event. A reflection of our past lives – the special connection we had had, tales of our highs and lows, and appreciation for this beautiful life is a total bliss.

Yesterday was a real special day with Upen and Aabu. The sense of happiness was like the bright sunny day it was. It reminded me of those wonderful moments I had had, when every-day life felt magical. One need not search for it, it was right there and one could sense the magical river flow through day-to-day activities.

Participating in the “1 minute for peace meditation campaign” with Upen, Aabu and others was special. The meditation was mostly recitation of ‘Aum’ in a group. It created a beautiful and powerful vibration. Relaxing and meditative, being there in Pashupatinath was a tranquil and serene moment. It was added by the warm sun shining brightly on our faces and the wind whispering through us – as though connecting us to everybody and everything around us.

Being there with Upen in such an auspicious event was making me high and happy.

Later, Rajani had asked if I felt sad to bid farewell to my beloved friend. I said I didn’t feel that then.

On our way back home, we stopped by a nice restaurant in Lainchour. Rajani was quite hungry, and we decided to go for Mela Restaurant. I was beginning to have this feeling of nostalgia.

It was a quirky feeling walking into the restaurant. Part of the ceiling was cosmos dome beautifully painted clouds, stars and the night sky. The dome was lit with changing fluorescent light of blue and tints of light green.

The ambience was that of olden times. Even the singer on stage was singing old Nepali and Hindi songs. Somehow I was in a different plane by then.

I was deep in this unknown nostalgia. My heart was mellow. I thought about Upen, his wonderful friend Aabu, beloved Rajani by me and some very special soul mates. I didn’t know what was making me such, my heart was crying!

Now, as I write this, I get glimpses of similar feeling. I guess this came from having to bid farewell my best friend earlier that evening. In such a short time, without knowing, our re-union had left a deep mark. It is subtle and delicate like feather, and I feel like I had a gulp of ambrosia.

It has often occurred to me how special has been the presence of those special souls in my life, without whom omens would have gone unnoticed. Upen has given an immense gift by coming home, and giving us a visit. 

Thank you Upen, thank you Universe!

with Upen and Aabu at Lotus Restaurant, Thamel, Kathmandu