Monday, September 16, 2019

Dolpo Trek II

16 July 2019, Tuesday, Yak Kharka

Somehow the walk from Temche to Yak Kharka seems to be one of the most beautiful treats of the trek.

The valley, immensely beautifully, is carved by gently sloping mountains from two sides, the rivers converging down at Temche – and the start of meadows, some signs of civilization and the view that extends further down the valley of green expanse, river and waterfalls from mountains.

Looking at the mountains – studying the rock formation, following the contours, layers and shape of the mountains – the visual accessibility from their base, the low hanging clouds – this is simply out of the world. Never have I been in such mesmerising beauty in the untouched nature.

As we climb down from the snaky path down to Temche there is seemingly a bus-like rocky mountain on the right. As I go further down, this rocky mountain looks like a bus or rather a space ship, as though it has been there for eternity, and could lift off any moment. The seemingly inanimate land formation is animated.

And there, on some rocky mountains, I see beautiful waterfalls. On one instance, this soft silky water falls between two tapering and slightly slanted mountains. Like some sci-fi structures in-the-waiting.

Why? Why are these perfectly natural geological objects giving me such eccentric feelings? Perhaps, I think to myself, I have never seen and experienced such beautiful splendour ever before. Or, had the slightest clue to what Dolpo Trek would offer.

In the other instance, water sprouts out from a rocky facade like the mountain is throwing up. As though through inner streams and tunnels the water oozes out suddenly like a soft water cannon. The waterfall merges into the river down below.


The valley continues, with green meadow expanse and river cutting right through the gorges. We follow the river, walk quite a bit into the valley. It seems like it would take forever to pass that sloping ridge below in the distant horizon before it opens up new vistas. The path is visible like a serpentine guide below the base of the mountains on the right. The river is further left below the gorges.

And wow, light turquoise bluish water. I see through the water, as though the cleanest and most pure river I have seen.

We arrive Yak Kharka. We have walked the green meadows. Little flowers carpet the green meadow occasionally. I watch out not to tramp, can’t help it as it is all over. The nature inspires me immensely and I feel these beautiful flowers greet us – to welcome us into this beautiful valley and nature. Close to Yak Kharka, past the sloping ridge that has opened into this wide meadow of Yak Kharka, we spot Marmots. Beautiful and shy, they hide into the bushes or their burrows. There are many such burrows all over the green meadow floor. Some openly visible and some slightly hidden by the rocks and bushes.

We are happy to spot our campsite. There are black Naks around – beautiful and full of grace. Rest of our team have arrived. Everyone is delighted and happy after this long descending walk. We have crossed two passes – the Numa La at 5309 meters and the Baga La at 5169 meters in succession. Phew, surely I have conquered some high mountains within.


Today I had a very amazing and wonderful experience climbing up to the Baga La Pass. I was behind the lead Kedar – one of the kitchen crews and porter. It was a slow uphill. As I was climbing, at some point, it was just my breath and me. This was meditative – as though I found my ‘Now’ there. It didn’t matter – the hardship, the small steps, who was ahead or behind. I was in the ‘Now’ and I felt blessed.

This experience somehow started in when we were doing the Numa La Pass yesterday. This one was more difficult and steep. The final attack from the last stop just before the pass – I was flooded with thoughts. So many imaginations were pouring in. Then at one moment I thought ‘Why?’ ‘But why?’

Then it happened – just me and my breath.



I was the third to summit the Numa La Pass, and second on the Baga La Pass.



Yesterday, the arrival at Danigar Base Camp was sort of magical. I remember Danigar a bright sighting for the wet and tiring long walk. It was drizzling. I was partially wet like everybody else. I was cold and hungry. And angry because there was no space to find cover in the tent. While closing in on the camping site, past that final turn, Danigar revealed like a paradise place between two converging meadow mountains. The river curving through the two mountains, and campsite by the river on a little stony grass patch. The river snaked gently, slow and easy, with a bright aura high up there at confluence of the two mountains where the river must have started. It was the next morning that I saw another higher mountain right above the confluence where I had imagined the river had originated.

It had been a crazy walk going steep down the Numa La Pass. The excitement of the pass gradually shadowed by the never ending steep and tiring descend. In a matter of first ten minutes or so I started to feel my knees. I was running down in excitement, and it was my knees that reminded me to take it slow.


We spotted Blue Sheep herd just after the Numa La Pass. There were on the right ridge – on the barren cliff mountain high up at almost 5000 meters. There were quite a few of them with a little kid as well.



















Saturday, August 31, 2019

Dolpo Trek

17 July 2019, Wednesday
Phoksumdo Lake

Dearest Suravi,
It was so nice talking to you and Mamu earlier. It felt good to hear your voice, and that you were expecting to see me, Phupu and Phupa after our Dolpo Trek.

I woke up at 05:33 am today in Yak Kharka. It was a beautiful morning – no more clouds or grey weather. Some low hanging fog, but blue sky. The sun came out slow and nice - lighting the blue sky, then the snow clad mountain top, and gradually the hill-tops and mountain-tops forming the Yak Kharka Valley. Phupu and I sat down waiting for the sun to illuminate us. This was the beginning of the magical journey today.

Everybody is really happy today. The pristine blue sky with some white clouds, the green meadow expanse, the beautiful morning after all the past grey weather, wet days and nights.
We started the walk to Phoksumdo Lake after a relaxed and easy breakfast. Something was magical today – everything felt so good. The sight, the place, the valley, the meadows, the mountains, the serene light turquoise river, the path, the bushes we passed through were all a delight. I was melancholic, and I was thinking and feeling about You and Mamu – missing you both. You both would have enjoyed all this as much.

It was a melancholy I wanted to last. I wanted this feeling to be there – somehow I felt so good, so very good. It was, how do I describe, like the most beautiful place and moment to be in. My heart was crying, the ambient beauty and moment I had found myself in. The raw and blissful nature – I felt a strong connection to – like I never want to let go. I want to capture this and take it with me. To present You and Mamu with this wonderful gift of Dolpo Trek, and specially the last two days of mesmerising in absolute nature.

Mingmar said, if only we would have had clear and sunny day like today at the passes – Numa La and Baga La. I replied, I am actually very grateful for today and this moment. We can never be satisfied as human wishes are manifold. Today I felt just as complete and satisfied – this was one of the best moments of the trip. And I am really grateful for this day and the moment. I felt we understood each other, somehow we were on same plane of thoughts and feelings.
















Photographs © Shivendra Shah

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

By the Side of a River in Yesteryears — 19 March 2005

By the Side of a River

our day out
by the side of a river
a warm sunny day
and breeze is a delight

spirits of the dead
reside out here
we’ll say hello
should we meet one

sit down on soft green grass
watch the water flow
stench of the river
ain’t that bad though

watch the swallows hover
low on the river
and how they swing
playing in the air

a wonderful setting
amidst crazy Kathmandu
a warm sunny day
and breeze is a delight

an eagle nearby
stands on a tiny island of debris
gently glides after a while
and rises back in the air

a tiny creature
swimming in the river
with its head out – sight of a snake
and the eagle has missed it – exclaims my friend

down the river
the snake swims
we’re getting late my friend
let’s follow the snake

‘til it
meets another debris island
where relaxed birds
alarmed, fly back in air

out of sight
the snake and the swallows
a warm sunny day
and breeze is a delight

Saturday - 19 March 2005

Thursday, June 07, 2018

Cosmic twitching

A world of dreams
Imaginations
My drawings
In the making

Enveloped
In the fog
Of my dreams
Alas
Is it happening
Outside the veil


A dreamer
I am
Living in
A dream world

Venting my frustration
Of not my dreaming

Nor do I know
Tis right or wrong
A world of my dreams
Or to live outside

My dreams
And imaginations
Making a book of wonders
For my daughter

An exchange
A session of inspiration
Looking into
The bigger picture

Igniting
The embers
Of awe and wonder
In young hearts

Connecting dots
Finding meanings

The twitchings
Of my brain cells
The amazing being
Called the 'I'

Tis about 'Me'
Most of the time
The world churning
For me

An illusion
'Me'
A tiny winy bee
Of this existential universe

Is it love
The cosmic spirit
All the individual 'I's
Manifest a collective
The cosmic fabric

A world of dreams
Imaginations
My drawings
In the making

A ye
Dreaming
Magic
In the making

Monday, January 02, 2017

Finding my Omens



“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist




~~~


This journey had a wonderful and surprising beginning.

It started when I met Wendy aboard the Malpensa Express, while traveling from Malpensa Airport to Milano Centrale. Like attracts like and I felt it in full bloom. We connected quickly, having shared what we were in the city for. She liked the idea of our clothing and the Artigiano in Fiera. The context in which we were working, the fairness in our work and selling that in Europe.

She is into fair trade and ecological products. She is an aware lady, and cares about the source and the people who make the products. She is part of the enlightened group that cares about the world, the resources and the people in whole. That intervening cultures and people’s ways (in developing countries) can sometimes negatively impact their life prospects in the long run. It may seem development work, while it might negatively affect their livelihood.

She seemed familiar with Nepal though she had never been here. The company she worked for had a charity project in Nepal. And the charity worked directly with the people in need, building homes for people who had been devastated by the earthquake in 2015.

I appreciated her sensitivity and appreciation for people, unlike herself, from diverse background. I felt she honestly cared and respected the person sitting opposite her who was listening to her in awe.

I was inspired by her and her outlook of the world, and the various people and cultures that made up this world. This is an affirmation and hope for a sustainable, beautiful and abundant earth. That we all feel an integral part of this world and existence.


She presented me this beautiful gift of ‘Frankincense’. 100% pure essential oil. She explained it to me that I could start my day with a beautiful wish. Everything that comes by today, no matter small or big, difficult or easy, may I face them all with love and kindness. May I be surprised by the events that unfold. That I have the patience no matter how hard I’m struck, just watch my breathing and say to myself ‘everything is going to be all right’.

I’d start my day with a touch of Frankincense, as a holy ceremony of blessing myself, my day, my activities, people who were going to cross paths with me, share the goodness of my job with love. Blessing all those who’d come by our stand in the Fiera, all those who helped prepare the beautiful garments, my other half, my daughter, my family, my loved ones, atoms and molecules around.

Send love for a beautiful day full of love for oneself and others. This kind of prospect for day-to-day life brought me immense patience and treat myself with kindness. This would in turn allow me to treat others with patience and kindness. That I would not be carried away with fear and submit to my own impatience. That I got this new power and maturity to tackle issues in life.

It has come a long way. I feel absolutely blessed by the new way of looking at my daily life, bit by bit, with wishes and projection of day full of love and patience.


I thank you Wendy. I thank you for you were the first omen in this journey, and I feel so lucky and blessed for that. Tusen Takk!




~~~


Meeting Carolina, my second omen.

Carolina embraced me without any condition. She liked me for what I am.
She stood by me when I needed her – she was there for me with all her heart. She took care of me and protected me. She made me secure from distant. She fed me from the fount of her bosom when I was thirsty.

She made me aware and that I am intelligent and should affirm to my heart’s resonance. That I know it – I have the information – I have the sense. I should very much listen to my gut instinct. She made me feel so empowered. I have all the means and sensibility, that I could forge ahead with conviction and follow my dreams. It made me accomplish so much – more than I could imagine.
I was surprised to find this new me!

She is a person I enjoyed very much – the company and the work. We’d worked for what we were meant to, and give in the best of our effort. I felt we complemented each other. She contributed with her strengths and I with mine. It was a very good feeling working with her.

She stood like a strong wall, fenced me against my doubts, troubles and weakness. She gave me strength to face my challenges head on. She made sure I had somebody to rely upon, the safety net to fall onto. She stood by me by the storm.

She’d once said ‘Hey Shiv, I am here with you, and I am not leaving you until we finish it all’. This meant the world to me than. She stood by me and helped me until we finished the job.

She came to see me when I was leaving Milan. She was unwell and her body ached. Still she came to say farewell. She brought me a sweater. I told her later it was not only a Christmas gift but also my birthday gift.
It was not easy letting go of her. I kissed her goodbye and headed to the train station.

I feel grateful to have known a soul so beautiful, honest, caring and loving, I miss her. As though without her this special journey is incomplete. I am grateful to the universe for having brought a beautiful and kind soul Carolina in my life.




~~~


Visiting Cedric in Lucerne

I had known Cedric as special and kind friend of Nanu. We had been together in the earthquake of 2015 here in Nepal, and this is what brought us together.

He visited me in December 2015 at the Fiera in Milan, and stayed a night. He visited again last year, and it was lovely to see him again.

I had a feeling I wanted to see him in Lucerne after the Fiera. And I made a very good decision, thanks to Nanu for the encouragement and positive push.

Now, having spent one and a half day in Lucerene was short for a visit. We made the best of that time – we maxed out without rushing. Cedric had taken leave for most part of it, and I felt privileged to have a him as my guide.

We celebrated my 36th birthday at an Italian Restaurant. This was a beautiful treat from Cedric the evening of my arrival. We walked a bit around that evening.

The next day was super. We went to Rigi Kulmn. The crossing from fog into the brightly lit sunny mountain was magical. As though a whole new world awaited us up there. Below was all grey and cold from the fog.

There was this familiar feeling of being on the mountain top – similar to that of being back home. Then he shared something very special. This drink he had received from a good friend of his, to celebrate his coming back home and to life after the earthquake of 2015. We both took the last sip atop Rigi Kulmn. He said he found it in the back pack he was carrying that day, and who better to share than me. This was super special.

The evening was a fondue party with his good friends. This is an evening hard to forget.

We prepared the fondue – and it all began in his kitchen. We moved to the tower of his house. His friends are special – very different and quite open and kind. As we stuck our long forks into vegetables dipped in fondue and savoured while sipping drink on the side, our conversation was getting more and more interesting. We talked about science, monks, art, spirituality, order and disorder of things. The interesting thing is we could all converse from our stand points, and everyone was open to hearing. This openness and receptiveness, the diverse background of scientists and artists was a beautiful amalgam. The openness, receptiveness and kindness really made me feel part of the evening and part of the people. This was special for it fed my soul. Such discussions and moments are the ones that bring out the best in us.




~~~


The last leg of the trip was visiting Nanu and Vinzenz in the Netherlands. They had recently moved into a new place in Utrecht, and I wanted to see their new home.

I was so happy to be with them. We went twice to the cinema in my 5-day visit. Watching movies together has become kind of a rite.

I shared my new found experiences. The Monday morning of 19th December I had a long and lovely conversation with Nanu. I could confide in her and share all from the bottom of my heart. Her affirmation is like finding my home.




~~~


I have had such beautiful and fulfilling experiences – I feel my heart calling.
This is my aspiration and inspiration, my university.
I find myself so blessed, with all the beautiful souls around me.

I find myself a new me. Like I have distilled and matured into a rare spirit – sparkling with light, smooth and soft.

I am going to be kind, patient and accept it all with love. That it is coming to me and I believe in it. What I seek is happening, and I just have to be patient and have my senses open for the omens – a magical journey finding my omens.



~~~
 

Friday, December 30, 2016

A beautiful poem by my very good friend Sagar Rijal

Shiven did not think about me
that much when I left.
He told me that he did not
even think about me at all.
He did not drop a tear.
Then he saw the cricket bat
lying on the corner.
Our bat, that we had cured,
we knew its sweet spots.
I have never hit a six but many fours.
Shiven was a finesse batsman.
We knew that bat.
We may never play
together again. 
 
 
 
credits: Sagar Rijal
It is wonderful, to be out here in the mountains. And specially this calm and quite village in Chandrakot at Mala Resort.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

L'amore Italiano - The Italian Love

I am trying to jot down words from my trip to Milano. I am total blank, don't now what to write or share.

I know I do want to share - the part I was feeling strongly the first few days after arriving back home. Beloved Rajani had asked, "Did you fall in love back in Milan?" I know I was missing something for sure.

Being in the cozy apartment near Fiera, Rho, was a mini Italian life. I felt like I had always been there. I seemed to enjoy the feeling of being there.

I had gone with a specific objective. I had to organize this shop in L' Artigiano in Fiera. I had been with Rajani in 2011. It was a new and tough experience back then. I was anxious how this one would come together. The one thing I knew I would do my best without worrying too much about any expectation.

When I look at what I did I am quite happy how it came together. The big luck was finding Chiara, the sister of my very good friend Edoardo. I knew I could trust this connection. Just that knowing each other would take time. I was lucky in that too. She was more than I had expected - a hard working lady, an honest person and a really good sales person. I felt privileged to have her as my companion in the fair.

My dear sister Sweta came to help me on the first weekend of the fair. Another good friend, Cedric whom I got to know through Sweta, also came visiting. This was like being surrounded with love and care and good company to ease the work.

Chiara and I worked hard to put the shop together and sell. It was both our ideas that converged to make the shop nice and appealing. She is a good sales person, and I learnt a lot from her. In spite of our efforts, we did not make good business. We didn't even break-even.
On the brighter side Chiara is interested in our products, and she would like to sell some of them at markets or to shops. This is something like having a base there for new customers we might find.

We had fun selling and being at the fair. We enjoyed lunch and snack breaks. We would almost always have a very good Italian white wine 'Proseco' around 5 or 6 pm. We would bring some food from home, like sandwiches, fruits and chococlate. For dinner we'd find something at either of these restaurants from Argentina, Brazil, Mexico and Thailand. Italian coffee is the best, and we had few every day. I am longing to achieve something similar to Italian coffee here back home.

The fair was an opportunity to interact with Italians. That wouldn't have been possible without such an event. This was opportunity for me to learn and experience bit of Italian culture and language. This was great fun.

After the fair was over, Chiara brought me packets of spaghetti, coffee, parmigiano and cookies. Her kindness was overwhelming, I felt like a family going back home with rich Italian finds.
Then I had a short trip to Chivasso and Torino. Chiara drove us to her home in Chivasso. Chivasso is next to a river and mountains close by. Chivasso isn't high-rise and congested. It is small and nice, and even has rail crossings where one has to wait for train to pass. I liked the ambience.

I got to meet her daughter and husband. Her parents had been in Kathmandu during Edo and Mingma's wedding. It was a warm family visit, her parents were equally excited to see me. They have a beautiful home.

We went for aperitif at a local bar. Then, we had dinner at Chiara's parents. Proseco followed me to their table, seemed typical of the region. I received so much love, I was home and was treated like a son.

In 2011 Artigiano, Edo had invited us to his home after the business at Fiera. We didn't manage back then. I had felt sad about that. This visit made it even. I was extremely happy to be at his home. It was like exploring Edo's previous life in Chivasso - photographs, books, musical instruments and few paintings. I had no idea he did paintings at one stage in his life.
It was a nice surprise to find Rajani in the marriage photograph of Edo and Mingma in their living room.
I appreciate Edo and his family, rich in love and strong family ties.

Next day, we went to the city of Torino. Though a big city, it isn't too shiny or busy as Milano. It has a rich history of being the former capital.
We passed by Cafe Des Arts for aperitif. I found another sign of Nepal in the bar. They had some poster from KatJazz and I could read Mariano's name on it.

We drove back home and it was past 10 in the night. Emmanuela had dinner ready for us. I just couldn't believe, she is super Mama.

I bid farewell to the parents and drove back to Milano with Chiara. They loaded me with gifts to take back home.

The last day in Milano, I managed to visit the centre - a short walk from Cadorna to Cairoli, and to Duomo. On one of the streets going out of Duomo square, there was Nepalese flag upfront followed by others.

Walked back to Cairoli and back to the apartment and it was time to catch my flight back home.

I was worried about luggage overweight, I managed to pass through.
The 'Namaste' from check-in guy was a sweet farewell.

I enjoyed my last Italian cafe before boarding.

I knew I was going to be with my beloveds soon. I was super delighted to be with my other half and Suravi.

Back home I was caught in nostalgia. That is when Rajani asked if I had fallen in love. Yes indeed - Italia.

Arrividerci Italia!



Friday, June 13, 2014

Sincere gratitude

7 June 2013
Maharajgunj Home

I thank the atoms and molecules that make me me. My sincere gratitude to all those infinitely small particles that are held magically into this being that I am. I am truly amazed – and beyond understanding – bewildered by the association of these particles not only to form me, but rather provide this holy opportunity to thus realize the collective conscience of all those individual congregations that I can feel me and dive within to reflect how magical it is that they add up their infinitely tiny consciences to this me I feel within.

I am truly grateful to not only the infinitely big universe, but also to the infinitely tiny particles.

This is a cosmic high, somehow triggered by awakening of dormant memories of what we truly are, sparked by the fire of ‘The Grand Design’ by Stephen Hawkings and Leonard Mlodinow.

I find it so very beautiful that the universe brought us into being for it to realize and consciously feel it-own-self. I just find this so fascinating – to register itself the universe made us. And I feel lucky conscience to be participating in this aspect of universe.

Earlier, I felt more like we were seeded by universe, thus feeling infinitely tiny in this existence. After going through ‘The Grand Design’ I feel we add up to make this huge universe, us a huge assimilation of tiny universal particles to add up constituting the universe.

And, as these infinitely tiny seemingly individual particles constitute into my conscience, we too shouldn’t feel that individual and aloof. No matter how limited we might make ourselves in our thoughts of being individual, we so much constitute the bigger universe.

Imagine, nothing that we can imagine can be out of the context of this universe! It is bewildering, we are so much part of this universe – even our consciences and thoughts and feelings add up to constitute the universal conscience.

Our way, this thought/feeling/reflection is one way of looking into it. And I am sure there are other countless ways/dimensions of looking into universe, understanding where we come from, where we belong, part of what we constitute.

For now, I truly thank this magical human body I am, and that how infinite I can be!

12:32 hrs
enveloped in the ambience of rain

Sunday, January 20, 2013

NamoBuddha blessings










This beauty
This serenity
Abound around us
Thank you Universe!


The serenity within
Emanating outside
Reminiscence of
Beauty within
What a blessing!

My sincere gratitude
This mystic connectedness
Me and You and the Universe

Oh, how I wish
This bliss
Bless us all

Bless those eyes within
Foresee beauty and serenity
Inspire Goodness and Positiviness
Within and Outside

Thursday, November 29, 2012

A Gift



Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Maharajgunj Home.

Having this opportunity to meet my dear friend Upen after 12 years has been so very special. Seeing him after all these years has been like a reflection – finding my reflection in him.

I am taken back. I feel amazed to re-discover myself through the mirror of my best friend. It is a blessing to have this opportunity to re-discover ourselves through eyes of each other. It has added in my self confidence and belief in myself. 

Finding each other face to face, in person, has been an auspicious event. A reflection of our past lives – the special connection we had had, tales of our highs and lows, and appreciation for this beautiful life is a total bliss.


Yesterday was a real special day with Upen and Aabu. The sense of happiness was like the bright sunny day it was. It reminded me of those wonderful moments I had had, when every-day life felt magical. One need not search for it, it was right there and one could sense the magical river flow through day-to-day activities.

Participating in the “1 minute for peace meditation campaign” with Upen, Aabu and others was special. The meditation was mostly recitation of ‘Aum’ in a group. It created a beautiful and powerful vibration. Relaxing and meditative, being there in Pashupatinath was a tranquil and serene moment. It was added by the warm sun shining brightly on our faces and the wind whispering through us – as though connecting us to everybody and everything around us.

Being there with Upen in such an auspicious event was making me high and happy.

Later, Rajani had asked if I felt sad to bid farewell to my beloved friend. I said I didn’t feel that then.
On our way back home, we stopped by a nice restaurant in Lainchour. Rajani was quite hungry, and we decided to go for Mela Restaurant. I was beginning to have this feeling of nostalgia.

It was a quirky feeling walking into the restaurant. Part of the ceiling was cosmos dome beautifully painted clouds, stars and the night sky. The dome was lit with changing fluorescent light of blue and tints of light green.

The ambience was that of olden times. Even the singer on stage was singing old Nepali and Hindi songs. Somehow I was in a different plane by then.

I was deep in this unknown nostalgia. My heart was mellow. I thought about Upen, his wonderful friend Aabu, beloved Rajani by me and some very special soul mates. I didn’t know what was making me such, my heart was crying!

Now, as I write this, I get glimpses of similar feeling. I guess this came from having to bid farewell my best friend earlier that evening. In such a short time, without knowing, our re-union had left a deep mark. It is subtle and delicate like feather, and I feel like I had a gulp of ambrosia.


It has often occurred to me how special has been the presence of those special souls in my life, without whom omens would have gone unnoticed. Upen has given an immense gift by coming home, and giving us a visit. 


Thank you Upen, thank you Universe!

with Upen and Aabu at Lotus Restaurant, Thamel, Kathmandu

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Like a magical potion...

Like a magical potion I unwind into a composed water that runs deep. Murray Laurence’s ‘Wandering Through Nepalese History’* juxtaposes a serene history narrative in the mind so smooth, you can’t help devour the magical potion of his words.

As I unwind wandering through the essay, the brightly lit wall across the window to my left reveals similar bright feeling of the sun I had experienced in Manang. The bright blue sky, pristine and crisp view of Shivapuri on the north and the higher mountain looming up further – this is such a familiar feeling of serenity experienced back in Manang and the Annapurnas.
Last couple of days has been unusually bright and clear skies and sightings of the mountain panoramas from here in Kathmandu.

The smooth and magical narrative of Laurence inspires me today to try and give words to my feelings and thoughts. I deeply appreciate him, his article and this moment. I literally feel I am letting out the feelings from the very fount of my heart and soul. Like a burning desire that has found its vent, this is a total orgasm being able to hold a pencil and scribble on a piece of paper.
Oh, how grateful I am to the Universe!

Saturday, 25 February 2012
Atop office terrace, Thamel, Kathmandu






----------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Wandering Through Nepalese History - Murray Laurence
http://murraylaurence.posterous.com/wandering-through-nepalese-history-0

Monday, June 27, 2011

26 June 2011, Sunday, Maharajgunj home


Like any other season monsoon had arrived. It rained and rained, and so did the croaking of frogs go on and on.

As they’d said, life started in sea. This one particular life that had evaporated into moisture and then forming clouds came down pouring with the rain. It found a home again, as whitish fungi growth on a wooden plank in this house in Maharajgunj.
What had once been an undersea life completed its cycle of life to eventually disintegrate into waters of Amber Sea. It changed from one form while in the sea to a white fungus in the mountains.

Life of the fungus prospered. And, one day, Obsev discovered something unusual about the fungus.
“Hey Obsev, how do you do?” – says the life within fungus.
Obsev, initially alarmed, realized the fungus was as alive as himself and was talking. “All is well” he answered.

23:46

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Perfect!


Friday, 17 June 2011, Maharajgunj home
Just a while ago I saw this documentary movie on Mayan Calendar and ‘end of the world’ on 21-12-2012. There were these enlightened experts on Mayan civilization, culture and cosmology. As we know they had developed their cosmology so perfect in their times – they seem to have had profound understanding of their existence and connection with Universe.
They talked about how the Mayans left their cosmological knowledge and understanding in their special script of symbols and drawings, and it all seemed to point at one particular thing  – 21-12-2012 or ‘end of the world’. The really amazing part of this ‘end’ thing is how, in their own wise perspectives, the experts tried to make sense of it. They explained the various ages and eras that go in cycle, like the start of Satya Yuga after Kali Yuga or the start of Golden Age after Iron Age or the dawn of Spring after Winter. I was awe struck as they pointed towards a new dawn for humanity and mother earth, and that 21-12-2012 was metaphor for this point of transition from the old to the new, from the iron age to the golden age. This is such a positive outlook, it gave me an instant high. And most importantly, the feeling that all that is going on is part of this evolutionary process and is just so very perfect!
I feel we are really lucky to BE! And more so, to be at this time around the great transition!
It all makes sense, the evolution of ourselves at individual level as well as in collective. The seeming differences are actually culminating us together somehow. The convergence of eastern and western philosophy, fusion of materialism and spirituality, the coming together of science and religion, the collective liberation from limiting doctrines of the past, the people coming together as global citizens, bridging the physical divide amongst ourselves with internet and new technologies, more lately understanding and endeavours of saving our mother earth, working on climatic issues and green initiatives.
For a moment, as though, I felt a greatly evolved and immensely lucky and happy Shivendra. This feeling of being from a while ago – I simply can’t ignore it or undermine it as one of my fantasies or dreams. A moment that makes sense of it all, an understanding so profound as the wide open sky to unite us with mystical Universe through unfolding life. I still feel the reverberation of that moment of enlightenment. I am so excited to gaze ‘life unfold’.
As they say, what is inside our mind is what shows outside in our physical world. I felt connected to the ‘unfolding life’ – as though making me feel like I know this that is happening and is simply perfect!
I take a moment to that the Universe for blessing me with such amazing moment and awareness.
Perfect!
23:51

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

8 May 2011, Mamaghar, Raxaul

Nice and easy feeling - wonderful. Makes me feel complete!

I was a bit anxious until this morning - don't know why. No internet, and, therefore, no contact with loved ones. Tomorrow Mom and I leave for home, and somehow I was feeling out of touch.

After nice shower and lunch, I was back in touch with my loved ones.
It was really a nice and short Skype with beloved Rajani. I felt my tempest subside, and was full on. Didn't even need the regular siesta!

Later, went out with Aashi, youngest cousin from Mom's younger brother. I had been feeling for the life outside. Just walk into the street and loiter, and may be make some good photographs in between.
We went towards Aashram Road, and walked  along the banks of this small dirty river. Then, went along the rail track and came back into the busy and dusty street.

Then we went to Surya Temple. We had been there earlier, few days ago, and I had been quite nostalgic then. While hanging on the top floor of the temple during our last visit, I had mentioned Aashi how observing the life around, the smell and the energy around reminded me of so many fond memories of childhood days. Me, my sister and mom would visit Mamaghar often. We would then be treated so so nice, loads of tasty spicy food, different kinds of snack and sweet and lots of gifts. We had our extended family around, from my mom's mother's side, and many cousins. We would visit our cousins and their family, and they would feed us and treat so warm. I always felt so good to be here, so loved and so included in this big family.
Amazing wonderful world - a busy and compact one, strong smell of spice and odour, spicy snacks on the streets, dirt and filth all around, loud people, interesting sounds - everything now feels wonderful. It all reminds of those wonder years. I miss it!

After the temple, we went to see some of the cousins who are still around, was a short and sweet farewell visit.

Tomorrow we leave and I am happy. Looking forward for seeing beloved Rajani, and sharing this nostalgic tale and wonderful time I had had. Miss her and want to be back with her.

I am happy to be here in such a long while. It has been a much awaited visit. I had been thinking about the visit for quite a while, and I am happy I did it this time!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Beloved Kanchu,

I can relate to what you are going through. The sadness or suffering of what you mention is so very there in our lives. We feel haunted by thoughts - like a constant rambling of our mind. My dear, this is samsara - and suffering is never ending in such.

You know how I am always happy and enthusiastic to know, read and share about 'enlightenment'. What I truly feel at this moment, when I seem to be alert of my consciousness, being in now, is the suffering of this samsara is never ending rambling of the mind. We truly need to examining the nature of our minds, and free ourselves of these destructive and afflictive emotions.

I myself am so much pre-occupied with such continuous thoughts and ramblings of my own. A while ago, as I woke up, my mind was full of depressive thoughts dear. It wasn't easy, and I felt I was suffering from these continuous stream of thoughts. I then got out of bed, went to prepare some tea and snack. As I came back to my bed I still couldn't relax. Honestly, this book 'Happiness' by Matthieu Ricard has been like a drug - to calm my mind and rediscover my pure consciousness. Look at what Matthieu says -
Destructive mental factors are deviations that gradually distance us form our true nature, to the point that we forget its very existence. And yet nothing is forever and irreparably lost. Even buried in filth, gold remains gold in its essential nature. The destructive emotions are merely veils, super-impositions.
[Gold is Gold - pg 210]

From the point of view of absolute truth, neither happiness nor suffering has any real existence. They belong to the relative truth perceived by the mind that remains in the grip of confusion. She who understands the true nature of things is like a navigator landing on an island made entirely of pure gold; even if she looks for ordinary pebbles, she won't find any.
[Beyond Happiness and Suffering - pg 264]

My mind, since last couple of days, had been wandering over so many uncertainties, wishes, sufferings and ways out of such. Last evening and a while ago when I woke up, I was thinking strongly about how free I would be if I gave up my current occupation. I thought for real, and saw few options I had always been interested in - the idea of leading trips, sharing with kids and younger people love and spirituality through school programs and helping you with Creative Touch. Well, as I was thinking of this freedom from my current occupation - it occurred to me that I am already free. This was something magical - that I didn't need to rid myself of my current preoccupation to set free.

I started with the last chapter of the book. As I mentioned earlier, after I began reading I started to feel calmer and calmer. The words in the book felt like pills to settle my mind.
After finishing the book it felt really good. I was in the grip of pure consciousness, and all I felt was this amazing goodness or perhaps happiness or sukha as described by Matthieu.

I prayed and thanked Universe for such state of being, and realizing such pure state of being. I prayed for blessing me , those around me and all the sentient beings with such state of being.

I now know it is not the change in occupation that is going to make me feel freer; rather being in such state of pure consciousness without sufferings of mind is the ultimate freedom. This is such a beautiful moment to have realized this, and I am amazed by myself.

This is when I thought and recalled you - and how you had been suffering recently. I really felt like sharing this experience in as much detail and simplicity as possible - to share that my (new aim) priority is on setting myself free form suffering and meditating on pure consciousness within as much and as often as possible.

I love you!

And, just before I end my dear letter to you, some magical words from Matthieu again -
... ultimate well-being comes from fully eliminating delusion and mental toxins, and thus suffering. Enlightenment is what Buddhism calls the state of ultimate freedom that comes with a perfect knowledge of the nature of mind and the world of phenomena. The traveler has awakened from the sleep of ignorance, and the distortions of psyche have given way to a correct vision of reality. The divide between subject and object has vanished in the understanding of the interdependence of all phenomena. A state of non-duality has been achieved, above and beyond the fabrication of the intellect and invulnerable to afflicetive thoughts. The sage has come to see that the individual self and the appearances of the world of phenomena have no intrinsic reality. He understands that all beings have the power to free themselves form ignorance and unhappiness, but they don't know it. How could he fail to feel infinite and spontaneous compassion for all those who, spellbound by ignorance, wander lost in the trails of samsara?


While such a state may seem far removed from our daily concerns, it is certainly not beyond reach. The real problem is that it is so close that we can't see it, just as the eye doesn't see its own lashes. An echo of this Buddhist concept is heard in Ludwig Wittgenstein : "The aspects of things that are most important for us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity." Enlightenment is genuinely within reach insofar as we all carry within us the potential of our true nature. ... Buddhism says that we are all born complete, since each being holds within him a treasure that needs only to be actualized. ... The qualities of enlightenment are revealed through transformation at the far end of the spiritual path.


The fact is, each stage is a step toward fulfillment and profound satisfaction. The spiritual journey is like traveling from one valley to another - beyond each pass lies a landscape more magnificent than the one behind it.
[Where the Path Leads - pg 263-264]

5:47
24 Feb '11

vista of Manang Valley as seen from shit camp while making this hike to Pisang Base Camp with beloved Hanna, Annapurna Circuit Trek